Who am I to still cry over it?

I hate that I am sitting here yelling at my son to get back in bed while he is standing at the top of the stairs crying... and there are women who would do anything and give anything to be a mom... Ive gone up stairs, given him hugs and kisses and put him back to bed and get gets back out and stands at the top of the stairs.

Every time I get angry at him, or frustrated, I think of all the women who lost their babies and would give anything to listen to their kid cry at night... They don't want them to cry, but to have that experience. I don't know what I'm trying to say. But it makes sense in my head.

Both times I've gotten preg its been so easy. "Hey honey lets have a baby!" "OK!" and 2 months later I'm pregnant. I don't feel like I have a right to be worried about getting pregnant again. I feel selfish. I feel like I shouldn't be morning the loss of our baby. I was "only" 11 weeks. Its not like I lost a full term baby... Ive had people tell me to "just get over it already", but she was my baby! She had a heartbeat! A name. We were going to name her Kristian Rose. I was going to call her Kris. Krissie. I had a "friend" tell me that I had no right to talk to her about my loss. She lost her baby a few hours after she was born from a heart defect. She said "You never felt her kick, you never hold her and had to say goodbye" but... I'm thinking, "At least you GOT to hold your baby! I had to flush mine down the toilet!" and then I feel guilty for thinking that because shes right... I was "only" 11 weeks, what RIGHT DO I HAVE to feel bad about it a year later?

God, Its been a year already! Friday makes a year. This time last year I had a dead baby inside me. I had no clue this time last year that she wasn't with us still. I was happy. Probably looking on the Internet for bedding or a double stroller. Probably looking at my stomach dreaming of
the future.

Who am I to still cry over it?